Chapter 8. Clothes, Photos, Swords, and the World’s Most Unsubtle Spy.

My Big Fat Guangdong Wedding

Chapter 8.  Clothes, Photos, Swords, and the World’s Most Unsubtle Spy.

Part 1.  Training the Spy and Buying More Wedding Clothes

 

The big wedding photo shoot was on Friday and Saturday.  Thursday was busy.  The recently ordered a traditional Chinese red shirt to match my darling’s qipao and a black Mao suit were both supposed to be ready on Thursday evening.  The wedding studio had strict rules against bringing cameras to any photo shoots, so I arranged to meet a dear friend and former student at lunchtime to prepare her for a spy mission.

(Cue theme music from Mission Impossible)

My agent, code-named Cantonese Twin 2, was to get to one of the outdoor photo shoot locations early and take pics from a discrete distance.

 

 

She was carefully instructed to take full advantage of the 12x zoom on the camera so that the photo crew would never notice her.

 

 

I met her, took her to the historic buildings were the pics would be taken, showed her how to operate the camera (my camera even has an EASY button – someday I’ll read the friendly manual and turn that setting off), and carefully explained the full mission details, making it very plain that she needed to make full use of the plentiful cover so she could take as many photos as possible while remaining undetected.

(This tape will self-destruct in 5 seconds.)

I then went home to finish up work while waiting for my darling fiancee to get done with her workday.

The plan for Thursday evening was simple – dinner in town, collect the clothing, then go to the photo studio to make final selections and reservations for clothing.

We had dinner at one of the snack stalls near Women’s Street.  I was a little suspicious of the origin of some of the meat, but decided that Don’t ask, don’t tell would be the best policy.  There are some Chinese cuisine mysteries best left unexplored. 

 

 

The dressmaker/tailor shop was only a short walk away.  We came in, presented the receipts, and were met with a questioning look by the guy who was there (he wasn’t in the shop the night the clothes were ordered).  While I was contemplating the best options for absolute panic  (I’d mostly narrowed my choices to having a fatal heart attack or making something to wear out of the clerk’s skin), my darling decided not to take “I’m clueless” for an answer and started aggressively digging through the rack of custom ordered clothing.  She found my Mao suit and the round-collared white shirt that came with it quickly, but the red Chinese shirt was still missing.  

 

 

I tried on the suit.  I think the pants are a tiny bit too long, but decided they would do.  Everything else was perfect.  While this was going on, another clerk came in and examined the receipt for the red shirt and sent the first clerk scurrying down a nearby alley (perhaps to the Instant Clothing Manufacturing Center?).  Five minutes later, my shirt arrived.

 

One less problem in the universe. 

We then went to the wedding studio.  After a little bit lot of begging crying wheedling discussion, my darling finally agreed to my request to wear the really silly cool matching uniforms that looked like they came off the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album cover for one of the 7 photo scenes.   She kept debating about what she’d wear for some other scenes.  I went through EVERY white suit they had, trying to find a round-collared Mao suit large enough that I could breathe while wearing it and a regular white suit for to match the white wedding dress she would be wearing in the other outdoor photo shoot.

Final choices of clothing for each wedding photo shoot scene were:

Friday (outdoors):
Scene 1, park with traditional old buildings downtown (Ke Yuan Park).  Our matching red outfits, plus our beautiful daughter in a red qipao.

Scene 2, park with a lake and some bamboo groves (maybe other things – had only seen a few pictures that place).  White wedding dress for her, white suit for me.

Saturday (inside the studio):
Scene 3, Fake backdrop with Chinese doorway decorated for New Years.  Traditional red outfits from studio collection for both of us.

Scene 4, Gold gates with darkened background.  Silly uniforms for both of us.  Our darling would be in some with a short white dress.

Scene 5, The loooooong blue sofa.  White dress for her with loooooong train on it.  A different uniform for me (not quite as silly as the uniforms from Scene 4).  Our darling would still be in the white dress from Scene 4.

Scene 6, White bed with white lace canopy.  Different white dress for my fiancee.  Me in a white Mao suit.

Scene 7, dark and plush building interior set.  My darling fiancee in a qipao.  Me in my black Mao suit.

All the clothing was supposed to be reserved and put in a separate location so we wouldn’t be fighting with others for the outfits or have to figure out which ones fit.

The shoes at photo studios look like normal dress shoes from the front, but are open in back like slippers.  This means that you need to wear black socks with black shoes and white socks with white shoes (or to spray-paint your feet the right color ).

 

 

My only white socks have Nike logos, so I had to hunt some plain white ones down at Trust Mart before finally getting home and trying to get some sleep.  My darling kept telling me that since Nike is a truly famous American brand that I should be proud if their logo showed up in our wedding photos.  I told her we might as well both wear Mickey Mouse t-shirts.   I could just hear the beginnings of a VERY bad idea forming in her head and said “That’s NOT going to happen!” before she could even suggest going shopping for some rodent-emblazoned clothing.

 

 <– Back to Chapter 7.          –> Chapter 8. Part 2. Deploying My Unsubtle Spy –>