Chapter 7. One last try at death by bicycle and I get a cool new toy.

My Big Fat Guangxi Honeymoon

Chapter 7.  One last try at death by bicycle and I get a cool new toy.

 

Thursday morning had a high gravity index.  Dragging myself out of bed at 7 am was painful.  The situation wasn’t improved by the ache in my left knee.

My darling wanted to take bikes to the attractions we hadn’t seen yet.  I really wanted to take a bus.  She tried convincing me that buses didn’t go there, but I’d almost been run over by enough of them on Wednesday to know that this wasn’t quite correct.  Eventually she beat me into submission talked me into riding bikes again.  30 Kuai later and we were headed out of town for round 2 of death by bicycle.  For some reason, she didn’t want to take the shortcut through the Tunnel of Doom. 

The road out to spend money at tourist traps visit the scenic sites goes over the Dragon River.  I’d been making some noises about building my own bamboo raft when we got back, and wondered aloud how long one would last.  3 years?  Two years?  One year? (“Yes!  Only one year!  Don’t build one!” she shouted.)  3 months?  (“Yes!  Only three months!  It’s not worth the effort to build one!” she shouted.)  I decided to try to get some facts, so when we stopped for a quick snack (and to be chased by little old ladies selling small carved wooden ducks for some unknown reason ), I had her ask the snack vendors.  The answer came back as one year (assuming I can trust the translation ).  Now where do I find bamboo that size and how do I get it to curve correctly on one end?   

 

 

Once again, we went to the farthest point first.  For this trip, that meant Assembling Dragon Cave (Dragons – some assembly required ).  Silver cave was nice, but Assembling Dragon Cave was great!

 

 

Sadly, my wife does this to me too. 

 

 

Two short boat rides in the cave and a couple of places to get your photo taken (at MUCH more reasonable rates).

 

 

I noticed an employee fiddling with a cell phone in the cave.  I thought, “Must be playing a video game.  There can’t possibly be a cell phone signal down here.”  I pulled out my phone.  Perfect signal. 

 

 

Say what you will about some Chinese technology (one of my DSL lines has the house wires spliced into the main phone cable and shoved into an inverted plastic water bottle ), but the ability to get a perfect cell phone signal inside the most impossible places is something they’ve figured out how to do.

As with all caves, this one had its share of hazards.

 

 

Next came butterfly cave.  Outside is the butterfly version of Mothra.  (Sadly, my camera battery flatlined on me shortly before leaving Dragon Cave.  I didn’t get any pics of Butterfly Cave.  We did get a few of the Ancient Totem Village on the backup cam.)  The butterflies inside aren’t so impressive (the “natural” formations looked suspiciously fake to me).  The suspension bridge across the valley between the two hills containing the cave complex was entertaining.  The stairs up and down everywhere would have been much more fun if my knee hadn’t been getting exponentially more painful.  There was a show, but we arrived in the show area 45 minutes before it was scheduled to start, so decided to press on to our next destination.

The final stop of the death by bicycle official honeymoon bike tour was the Ancient Totem Village.  This place was supposed to give an idea of how the Zhuang minority lived during ancient times in Guangxi.  Normally, I love Chinese Minority Ethnic villages (some of the ones in Yunnan are amazing), but this one lacked something.  With a few exceptions, the people in costume seemed extremely bored.  The costumes also all looked suspiciously like leopard-spot pajamas.  My darling mentioned that the reviews of this place backed up my impressions.

 

 

Along the road back to town was a vertical rock climbing wall.  I was in no condition to climb a set of stairs at that point (and prefer rocks under me for climbing, not over me and not vertically beside me), but did stop and take a few photos.  They’d marked out the locations where ropes could be secured with various odd items, including stuffed bears.  This made the scene look more like an impending teddy bear cliff rescue than a place for climbers to practice.  (And the main camera decided it could let me take a few pics before the battery failed again.)

 

 

Somehow, I managed to avoid getting pushed under a passing truck and being turned into roadkill.  We got back at nightfall and returned the bikes (for the last time ).  We were getting ready to head out for dinner (and more shopping!) when I heard a sound at the door to the room.  It opened and a Chinese man and I had a contest to see who could have the most surprised facial expression.   More than once, I’ve had a hotel give me a keycard to an occupied room, but had never been on the receiving end of this sort of problem before.  I had my lovely wife call the front desk to threaten violent retribution gently inquire why someone else had access to our room.  They claimed that there were no additional cards and said that the door must not have closed all the way.  I tested this theory and found that the entire locking mechanism was loose and that even if it was latched, it could sometimes open if one shook it while turning the handle. 

I could see that a hex wrench was needed to fix the issue.  I had my dearest one call down and request one.  Naturally, they followed standard hotel maintenance protocol and immediately sent up a highly qualified locksmith with a complete set of tools one of the hotel’s maids with no tools.  Several more threatening calls and about 20 minutes were required to get someone with a bag of tools to come up and try to fix the issue.  The hotel said they would give us a fruit basket as “compensation” for the trouble.  (While delivering the basket later, they determined that the entire lock was flawed and replaced it – then they knocked 100 RMB off the final bill – Definitely preferable to just a fruit basket.)

Once the hotel room door was sort of secure, it was time to hobble over to West Street for. . .  can you guess? . . . that’s right . . . more shopping!  The night before, I saw a green beam of light hitting one of the hills in town from somewhere around the entrance to West Street.  This time I found the source.  Someone was selling laser pointers that were far too powerful for normal laser pointer use.  After some quick negotiations, the price fell from 80 RMB to only 50. (I told my darling that I’d have paid 100 – this was COOL! ).  The range on this thing is incredible. (Special note to those working in the International Space Station – “Oops, I deeply apologize and am terribly, terribly sorry about that.” )

After all the special, famous, auspicious foods (and drinks! )  we’d bought and all the other cool traditional debris souvenirs, I’m running around with a laser in my pocket as my favorite new toy. 

We ended up with bunch more stuff and went to a clay pot restaurant (rice with meat and vegetables cooked in a clay pot) for dinner.  We’d had lunch there earlier in the week and enjoyed it.  The price was also very reasonable.  At dinner, they were packed and we ended up sharing our table with a German couple.  A local Zhuang minority Chinese girl (who bore a strong resemblance to my dear friend, Cantonese Twin 2) joined us and we all ended up chatting for some time before my darling and I finally headed back to the hotel for our last night in Yangshuo.

 

 

Next time – Shopping: The final expedition reveals the shocking truth. 

 

<– Back to Chapter 6.          –> Chapter  8. The shocking truth about shopping and other painful experiences.–>